Legalising same sex marriage is a slippery slope so we are told repeatedly, loudly, and obnoxiously by large sections of the Christian right, or bigots as we like to call them in our house. In fact they say it with such frequency that there has to be something to it. There has to be some underlying logic to support their case and I think I finally understand their logic and why they use this argument with such ferocity and regularity.

If we allow gay marriage, so the argument goes, then we have to allow for ALL kinds of marriage and so pretty soon we will have fathers marrying daughters, mothers marrying sons, dads marrying sons, men marrying goats, and camels marrying horses! To which my usual reaction is: “Yeah? And? So? What? If there’s no coercion involved and all parties consent then what’s the issue with whoever wants to get married getting married? Though I’m not quite sure how a camel or a horse are going to be able to sign the marriage register, let alone fill out all the paper work or pay for venue hire and all the other bullshit that goes with a wedding.”

Still, I think I now have a grasp of why the Christian right oppose so vehemently two people of the same sex engaging in a social ritual to celebrate their love for one another. The logic of the Christian right is a logic of absolutes that stems from the moral argument that without God, and therefore the prospect of divine punishment or reward, there can be no morality and so all bets or off.

So, if we follow this logic then allowing gay marriage would allow for a dog to marry a cat or, perhaps, a duck to marry a crocodile. Now if a duck were to marry a crocodile then there is the potential for the loving couple to have a child and that child would be… a crocoduck!!!! Which would, therefore, prove evolution and in doing so disprove God. Ipso facto.

So we see that the battle against gay marriage isn’t inspired by bigotry and hatred but it is the final battle in the existential war against God. Which explains why they keep trotting out the same old argument ad nauseam expecting it to carry far more weight than it actually does.

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