1800, More or Less

…opened eyes like traitor open legs -arsehole wide- took breath. breathed. brothe. broke. a damp room, a dark room, a room? no, a space, in space, floating -moments- then crashing down. down to sodden mattress -mildew- filthy in lewdness Ezekiel. took moments momentarily to realise, open eyes, legs, mouth, breath, breath, and out. out out out down quiet stairs, a creak, scream of wood -freeze! freeze then pull coat tight and hurry, rush, through old door and out out out into nearly light, nearly sun.

…the ducks on the canal. watch them old and young. one near death one birth. pull coat tight and hurry -not rush- don’t stand out don’t make them see -only have eyes for the ducks and the ducks only eyes for bread- they don’t see, don’t notice, invisible. blend into the banal. down the path where horses don’t, not anymore, down the path before the road and the noise -early but still the noise- the hiss and shush of tyres on tarmac traffic memory of rain.

…to get soaked through. shelter in doorway. once was a shop now smells of piss. covered in fag ends. no people here on high street. pedestrianised but no pedestrian no pedestrians. somewhere a street sweeper roars but not here. lungs burn, fag burns, hands shake -not cold but shake anyway- and cough. throat burns. head smothered, muffled, full of can’t think won’t think. full of, no, smoke, smoke then move.

…last night, no. keep thinking forward like legs, feet, just moving forward towards dissolve. one, two, one, two, 1, 2, 1, 2, not far now -the distance merely insurmountable, not far. door in sight now just a head. not far, not more. quiet brass in brass, no one to wake, none to stir. quiet close, quiet stairs, quiet to to bed, quiet to sleep. try to sleep, listen to soft breath, feel soft warmth. still shaking, shaking still.

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